its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
