You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
