her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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