two words...techno handjob
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
