If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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