why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize