I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Randomize
