I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
