It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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