Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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