great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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