Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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