Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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