Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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