i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
