I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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