the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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