this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
