They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So. Much. Porn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
