happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
