i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're a waste of cheezeits
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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