It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
