Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
