I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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