I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize