Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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