$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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