why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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