Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue