May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize