Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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