I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
