I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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