I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
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He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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