Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.