The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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