Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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