I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER