a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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