that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize