Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize