I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker