Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.