he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.