Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize