He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize