ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
