You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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