my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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