How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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