Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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