Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize