She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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