I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
