I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Randomize
