So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
